A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table

  • MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
  • DAD: O.K.
  • GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
  • DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
  • UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
  • DAD: We all are.
  • MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
  • DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
  • MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
  • FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
  • DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
  • MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
  • DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
  • MOM: Now everything is fine.
  • DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
  • MOM: There was a big sex.
  • FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
  • (Everybody laughs.)
  • MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!
  • GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
  • ALL: Yes.
  • GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.

Source: jk

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